Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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