Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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