EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
