He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
