i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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