i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
