I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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