she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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