But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
