He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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