I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
