its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
