yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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