cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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