you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
a search helicopter?!
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
