the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
