go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
