3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
