He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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