Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I can't turn off my feet"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
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