Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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