Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
