Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
