youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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