Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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