Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
