yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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