i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
