I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
no more duck duck goose at the bar
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
