really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
