Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
