We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
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