we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
