Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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