Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
