break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
