3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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