I wish I could teleport
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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