I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
