I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
