Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
