At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she peed on how many people?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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