i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
