Well apparently he's into motor boating.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
