im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You can't special order awesome
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
