I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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