Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
