there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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