my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Operation Purity has been aborted
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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