OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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