My hand turned me down
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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