4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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